NerdBliss

Nothing like a project I can start and finish within a few hours. And nothing like bears in pajamas.

The bears in question belong to my friend Alex‘s nine year old daughter. The big guy is “Upstate Bear” and his little friend is “Daisy.” They’ve been waiting patiently on our love seat since January to have custom sleepwear fitted. I’d originally made a set for Upstate Bear with an 18 inch doll sized pattern, but that was without laying eyes on the fluffy fellow. When I had Alex bring him over to measure for a hem, we found the whole thing would have to be bigger, but I had to launch into work on our Klingon wedding costumes before reworking the PJs.

Little did I know it would take four months to complete all the Klingon wedding stuff or that I’d be sewing the night before the convention and talking a hand-sewing bit for the car ride to Atlanta.

I was so relieved to have a small project to jump back into after we got home. But first, I moved our sewing area from the dinning room into our office and put my desk in the dinning room. Crafts breed chaos. When you have a connected living/dinning room, working on a big, long project out there makes it feel like we don’t have a living space at all. I will eventually post pictures of our sewing room when I’ve got things set up how I’m envisioning. I really want a giant spool and bobbin rack, an cork board and maybe a peg board to hang our fanciest tools on.

When I finally sat down to make the pajamas, I wasn’t sure how well the skills I learned modifying patterns for our wedding garb would translate to working with dolls and bears. Let me tell you, it’s much easier to work with a bear than a person. And the pattern shapes are much simpler. Measure the waist, cut the pants pattern down the middle, tape in some of the cool giant graph paper we’ve got and presto, it fits. The shirt is a little more in depth to explain without diagrams, but a cake walk compared to fitting the bodice of my dress, for sure. The little pair needed only to be shortened. I used a Ken doll sized patten and it was perfect.

I’m proud of myself for learning a skill I’ll hopefully be applying for years to come for costumes, dolls & toys, and possibly even day to day wear clothes. Without being to cocky – the seam ripper is always handy for a reason – I feel like I’ve got the basics down. For someone who never had hobbies before besides reading and writing which, at the core, are basic skills everyone learns in school, it’s a darn good feeling.

Upstate Bear and Daisy went home a couple days ago. I hear their owner is very happy with the results. Without a doubt, that’s the best part.

No Comments | In: crafts and creations | | #

I sit here at my desk, newly placed in the dining room since I moved our sewing table into the office, drinking coffee while I do some typing in an attempt to write something publishable.


When we got back to South Carolina after our Seattle trip, I was determined to cut out all caffeine. Not forever, but long enough to rest my dependance. What use, I feel, is caffeine if it doesn’t give you a buzz?


I grew up without caffeine in the house, started drinking Mt. Dew and Coke in my early teens, coffee once I graduated high school. I am still more sensitive to high volumes of coffee than most people I know.
I’ve gone off caffeine maybe three times since I was twenty. That first time, it was a pot, plus a fancy coffee, plus several cans of Coke every single day habit. I was jittery, sleepless and burned out. When I went cold turkey off it all, I couldn’t feel my head for three days, but then I was fine. A couple months later, I started back on moderate caffeine use.


I got back in the day to day habit of so much coffee, but I do tend to enjoy one or more caffeinated beverages daily or nearly daily. It’s not always for the caffeine. I love the comfort of tea and Diet Coke is my favorite refreshment. We don’t own a coffee maker, but I invested in a $40 electric kettle after the $12.99 died in six months of heavy use. Tea has so little caffeine, I tend not to count it. I have access to fancy coffee at work and our apartment complex office has a Keurig I avail myself of around once a week. This machine is the source of cup I’m currently enjoying.


Now, I’d love to report this cup was my first after we got back from Seattle nearly a month ago, but I must report my “break” from caffeine lasted only four days. I could barely function for the fatigue and whole-body-migraine. I felt a bit like the day before the worst day of the flu. I left work early one day after throwing up. Worse, I knew 20 ounces of Diet Coke would fix what ailed me.


With only two weeks until our Klingon wedding and plenty to do, plus normal things like work, food prep, dishes and laundry, I changed my game plan to include one caffeinated beverage per day. I’d been using much more in the months leading up to the trip. When I down my blood pressure medication with Diet Coke, I feel unhealthy and stupid.


I don’t foresee a time in the near future where I can detox without interfering with preforming my daily functions. Not going overboard is the best I can attempt in an effort to both be good to my body and keep it doing the things I need it to do. Like walking and thinking.


For now, I’m waiting for today’s coffee to hit my blood stream and switch to water for the afternoon.

No Comments | In: life | | #

After many months preparing, Chris and I finally got Klingon-married at Trek Trax Atlanta. It was an unforgettable experience. I do not know how to express how much fun we had and how meaningful, though not our legal and binding Earth wedding, it was to have so many people work so hard to make our wedding an exciting event for everyone in attendance.

A few important people must be thanked before I get on to the pictures and descriptions for those who did not attend. If the content of the ceremony is unfamiliar, please see Worf and Dax’s wedding from Deep Space Nine. For more pictures of our wedding and Trek Trax in general, see the galleries on the House Koloth website.

Thank you to everyone who came out for the wedding and the reception, but especially the following:

Trek Trax founder Eric Watts and his staff without whom there would be no convention.

Our Tawi’yan Alex who is an ever faithful friend. My lovely human parents-in-law Marion & Sandi – not Trek fans – and brother-in-law Eric for making the trip to be with us on our big day.


Theresa Parker aka Mistress Koloth, Klingon wedding planner.

Our convention guests who participated in the ceremony: Dr. Lawrence M. Schoen officiated, David Orange aka “The Sleepy Klingon” from Star Trek VI gave a toast in Klingon, il Troubadore played blood-stirring Klingon music, Jillanna Babb and her belly dancers done up in their best Orion slave girl green.

All those warriors who made up the bat’leth arch, and those who vouched for our honor. Connie and Illya Allman for the Romulan Ale. It was much enjoyed. All those who enjoyed the Romulan Ale and other refreshments at the reception.

If I have failed to mention anyone who played a role in the event, I apologize. It was all a blur of utter happiness to have so many people involved. I love our fandom friends and family so very much. While this wedding is only legal in the Empire, nothing we could plan for our Earth wedding and reception will compare.

Now, a selection of photos:

4 Comments | In: fandom | tags: Alex, Chris, Klingon wedding, science fiction, star trek, trek trax. | #

On March 28th, Chris and I flew to Seattle to visit my family and go to Emerald City Comicon. It was a great trip and, like all vacations, it was too short yet wonderful to get home at the end.


I didn’t take nearly enough pictures, so I swiped a few from Chris for this post.


First, Chris at the Con with my folks. This was, remember, the meet-the-parents, plus my brother and sis-in-law, trip. Being well over a year into our relationship, it’s a little different than me meeting his parents a few weeks after we started dating. Not less scary, I don’t think, but different. The family, of course, loved him, because he’s awesome.





Celebrity guests are an important part of the convention experience and being a short hop from L.A. helps ECCC get really great guests for a midsized convention. We decided to go – hell or high water – when George Takei was announced as a guest. His autograph was priority number one for the convention. We roped Mom & Dad into going through the line to get one since we were tasked with getting one for Alex who wanted his signed “I love sweaty basketball players” referencing this video. Chris was the only one of our party brave enough to ask Mr. Takei for the unusual personalization. And it was awesome. Mr. Takei laughed, his beautiful deep belly laugh. It was the kind of moment getting autographs is all about for as much as the signed 8×10 is a treasure, the story the interaction is the real reason we’ll wait in line for a couple hours and call it all fun.


Our other celebrity encounters were Adam Baldwin, Christopher Judge, Jason Momoa, Summer Glau, Jhonen Vasquez, and Tara Strong.


Tara Strong was out of things to sign, so she allowed fans to take pictures. If you don’t recognize her name, you wouldn’t recognize her face. She’s the voice talent extraordinaire behind tons of iconic cartoons. The Power Puff Girls’ Bubbles and Twilight Sparkle of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic are the two characters which make me a Tara fan-girl forever. She was genuinely nice to the little group of Bronies in front of us. Not that I’m a Brony or anything.

Chris could have spent the entire three day convention down in the gaming area where they’d set up a handful of vintage arcade games on free play.

One of the things ECCC does better than any con I’ve attended so far is vendor space and variety. I picked up several items including this fellow.

Any Harry Potter fan loves Hagrid. He has special meaning for me as we’re working on a Hagrid costume for Chris. I’ve wanted the Lego minifig for a while, but I couldn’t justify buying the whole playset. He’s adorable, ain’t he?

Oh, and the best souvenir:





Pretty much everyone knows by know Chris proposed at the convention. More than a few knew before it happened. It was perfect; my home city with my folks there and at a convention. I was surprised, at the timing not the question, which meant a lot to Chris and made the experience a lot more special than I could have imagined. I’m ridiculously happy and, truth be told, getting a little choked up and butterflies inside thinking about it.

3 Comments | In: fandom | | #

Today is my wonderful boyfriend Chris‘s fortieth birthday. Tomorrow, we’ll fly to Seattle where he’ll meet my parents, along with my brother and sis-in-law, and a few other important people, for the first time and go to Emerald City Comicon.

I’ve been thinking on how to celebrate Chris here on the blog. How do I sum up in words how much he means to me, how much I love him and all those things I see everyday which illustrate what a good man he is? Can’t be done.

So, instead of struggling with words, I’ve selected a handful of photos which make me smile when I look at them.

After a Warhammer 40K victory:

The button bin at All About Fabrics:

Dragon*Con TOS Klingon with a frat boy and a furry:

At my birthday dinner last year:

At Dragon*Con:

And, my personal favorite, holding up my Klingon wedding dress:

Chris, my love, you are amazing. Funny, smart, creative and talented. Kind, generous, thoughtful and loyal. You have no idea, either, how wonderful you are and how much you are loved. You have brought so much joy into my life, so much fun and contentment. I love your laugh and your smile, and so much more. I love talking with you, about the silly or serious. I’m the luckiest girl in the world because you love me. Happy Birthday!

2 Comments | In: friends and family | tags: Chris. | #

Here is yet another Self Portrait Sunday featuring a sewing project. This one isn’t for the Klingon wedding and took around an hour, start to finish. I’ve got one item left to make before the big event, but I’m taking a break since I wouldn’t finish before our trip to Seattle. Plus, I need some things I can wear to work and buying another pair of khaki pants which don’t last isn’t on my agenda. Frankly, anyone who’s thighs rub together knows what I’m talking about: it doesn’t take long to get holes on the inner part of the pants. Plus, I’m happier in skirts.

I spent some time this week searching for revamp and refashion ideas to turn existing items into something new, then hit the clearance section of Goodwill yesterday for cheap pieces to cut, seam rip and resew.


On this one, I skipped the “before” shot. It was a basic men’s Nike sweatshirt and I got it for a buck. I used an idea I found for a 30 second shirt and it worked like a charm. I added elastic at the waist since I’m going to wear it at work, but with the costume cut to fit waist hole, you don’t have to add elastic.

Please ignore the fact I didn’t publish my “Sunday” portrait until Monday. I’d typed it up and planned to come back and publish before bed, yeah, not so much.

2 Comments | In: crafts and creations | | #

Saturday 9: Forget You

1. Have you ever felt you needed to just forget an ex-lover? It seems the more desirable forgetting would be, the less healthy it would be to forget. Forgetting a fling or someone dated causally wouldn’t hurt anything. Forgetting someone who who impacted enough to hurt or haunt one’s memories would be forgetting part of yourself and how you came to be. Forgetting the bad stuff leaves a person open to repeating mistakes in future relationships. Forgetting the good is holds as much danger in different ways. What I do think is an important goal in moving on from an ex is coming to a point where memories are packed away and don’t pop up without provocation.

2. Spring picnics and cookouts are here! What would you want to have on your plate as you head back to the table? Good quality sausage or bratwurst with ketchup and brown mustard, potato salad, baked beans, and a huge hunk of watermelon.

3. It’s St. Patrick’s Day, March 17th! Do you celebrate? Drink Green Beer? Go out? Chris and I celebrate St. Patrick’s Day at Alex’s church. They do a corned beef dinner, sell beer in green mugs and have a Celtic folk trio preform. Last Saturday was what we affectionately dub “Beer in Church” and it was lots of fun. Today was a typical Saturday.

4. Did you remember to wear green today? I wore a green t-shirt with Happy St. Patrick’s Day across the front in tiny gold dots, but for work I be covered it in a sweater vest of work approved color and had green sleeves for the day, plus shamrock earrings.

5. What phrase or saying do you over use? I do find myself saying “it’ll be okay” or “it’ll have to be good enough” pretty darn often.

6. If you could (or could have) change(d) something about your relationship with your parents, what would it be? I would have wanted them to encourage me to *do* things especially activities which would have gotten me out with my peers. I’ve never had an easy time feeling like a part of a community and I suspect it’s in large part because outside of school, I never participated in any kind of group extracurricular activity.

7. If the NCAA Men’s or Women’s Final Four basketball tournament was played in your hometown arena or within easy driving distance from where you live, would you try to attend one of the games? I couldn’t give two shits about college basketball. I doubt I’d go even if offered free tickets.

8. No matter what’s going on in your life, what always makes you smile? Oh, there is a goodly list. I’m the smiling sort even when I’ve got troubles. Chris coming home after his work day always has me smiley and excited. Talking to my niece, Sabrina, even though it reminds me how much of her childhood I’m missing, I always smile at how smart and articulate she is and am thankful being away hasn’t killed her desire to talk to her Aunt Tina every so often.

9. We’ve asked this before: What else is on your mind? Go ahead and rant. What’s on my mind? Tonight, I’m just tired. I woke up tired this morning which has been happening to some degree nearly every day for a while now. Best case, I simply need a new CPAP machine. Having my sleep apnea treated the last couple years has been wonderful. I had no idea it was possible to wake up fully rested. I’m waiting for the plan year to turn over on my health insurance before taking any action about it and even then the deductible is scary. I worry about both quality of life and health ramifications of all this and I hate the blood brain fog and chronic headaches.

No Comments | In: egocentric | tags: meme. | #

The refrain of “don’t air your dirty laundry in public” might be passe in modern America. We’ve moved beyond talk shows into reality shows where instead of sitting on a stage talking about their problems, people invite cameras into their homes to get high def footage of the dirtiest of dirty laundry. I am not a fan of talk shows which serve only to parade guests’ dysfunctions or reality shows where the most outrageously messed up examples of humanity are the most popular. Certainly some of my distaste for such programing is the deep sense of privacy and propriety I was brought up to model.

But not all airing of dirty laundry is created equal.

As I have been thinking about being more honest as a writer, I have been thinking about things like gossip and the airing of laundry in public. It does not get more public than the internet, does it?

I happen to know, during the time I spent in Seattle in 2010 recovering from events which ultimately changed every facet of my life, my situation was discussed, literally, coast to coast. For the most part, the participants cared about me and my happiness. I understand what I went through and the decisions I made as a result weren’t always easy to watch from the outside. It was doubly hard from the inside and I removed myself from the “public” life I have cultivated on the internet as a result, no doubt adding to fuel to the flames.

I don’t hold it against anyone who may have had something to say during those troubled times, but I do wish more of the conversations had been with me rather than about me.

The experience does make my mission to write honestly a bit scary.

One of the influences I didn’t mention in my last post might be the most important in all my determination to blog more intimately about my life. The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast hosted by Paul Gilmartin has both entertained and fasionated me since I discovered it in late 2011. I went back and listened to every single episode. Each one features Paul interviewing someone – mostly creative folks – about their lives, hangups, addictions, and fears. Sometimes I nod as I listen and sometimes I think “whoa, I’m pretty normal compared to that hot mess” – most often during the same interview. I cannot say enough good about the podcast for anyone who’s interested in mental illness and creativity.

One thing Paul always makes clear as he and his guests talk about their pasts is they aren’t out to blame anyone, that most people in their lives haven’t been malicious, but have done they best they could. We all have family, teachers, friends, romantic partners, doctors, classmates, bosses and all kinds of people who affect us in ways both good, bad and, worst of all, complicated. The other person doesn’t matter, really, but examining the relationship does matter in figuring out where to go from the point of saying, “I have some issues.” After listening to 50-odd episodes of Mental Pod, I’ve come to see how my fear of “airing dirty laundry” has severally curtailed my ability to write about my life.

While I’m pretty awesome, I’m also get tangled up in patterns of thinking that started long before I was aware of, well, anything. Getting untangled is why I’m driven to write and why it’s the first thing I go back to when something bad happens. For a change, I’m in control because my life is freaking fantastic. Not perfect, but oh so good. I’m still me, there are some knots to fuss with, and I’d rather do it here than in a therapist’s office.

One thing I know for sure is dirty laundry needs to be aired in some form or it will fester, mold, mildew and ruin lives.

Balancing truth vs. privacy vs. not throwing people under buses is something I’m going to have to learn as I go along. I do not even think my life and past is all that scandalous, but it is the foundation of who I am. Nor is every post I’ve been too afraid to write primarily about my life. I have never been much for commenting on political or social issues on my blog because I do not want to stir the pot. As someone who does care about the world at large, I have opinions I’m passionate about. I admire people – agree with them or not – who are willing to state their beliefs publicly. Discourse is important.

My voice is important, or at least as important as every other yahoo with a modem, and my fear of being judged for thinking one way or another isn’t nearly as important. I know, deep down, what Dr. Suess says is true, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”

No Comments | In: commentary | | #

I haven’t been honest in my writing. I have avoided the truth at every turn, written about safe topics and superficial feelings. It’s easy to write book reviews or answer silly quizzes or post pictures of craft projects. Those are perfectly reasonable things to post on a personal blog, but alone it is not all that personal.

I sometimes scratch the surface of deeper things; daily struggles, health and physiological issues. But I hold back, never cutting beyond the skin. Talking about the fact I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression isn’t hard. Telling my readers, today I was frozen by anxiety with irrational fears running through my head is terrifying. Equally frightful is the prospect of explaining happiness and joy.

Hell, I often don’t admit to myself how I’m feeling, but instead keep pushing forward.

Pushing forward is great. “Doing” is a strategy I fully embrace. For 2012, I made a to-do list rather than resolutions. Sitting around thinking is about the worst thing a person like me can do, but a busy schedule isn’t a cure. Nor, ironically, is a happy life. Is that annoying or what?

In many years of self-examination, I have found I don’t figure out anything by thinking. Talking, even to my nearest and dearest, doesn’t do the trick either. I can’t tell anyone what I don’t know or understand. Since I was a kid, I have articulated myself to myself best by writing. My journals from those years are gone, paper and pen are no longer my native tools. A keyboard is where, if I free myself, my thoughts flow best. I don’t know what is coming before I start typing which in itself frustrates me. I crave a peek at the big picture.

Opening a Word document, keeping a journal on my computer like I did on paper off and on for most of my life, would be one solution to working out what’s on my mind and heart. No doubt, it would be helpful. There have been times I have done just that and certainly in the course of my life I will do so again. But that solution only solves half of the problem.

What I’ve realized lately is being a chicken shit blogger has more consequences than a boring blog and low traffic. It represents giving up on my dream of being a writer. I have accepted easily the fact it’s harder than ever to break into traditional publishing. I don’t care one lick about being on the New York Times Bestsellers List or even on Amazon’s list. I care about filling a blank screen with words destined to be read. Without the second part of the equation, it’s literary masturbation. It’s a dichotomy; one writes for oneself, because it’s necessary, but putting the words away in a shoe-box under the bed doesn’t satisfy the writer’s needs. Writing is a conversation as much as sitting across the table talking is a conversation.

In staying safe, I have failed as a writer. The truth is the only thing worth reading. That is as true in fiction as in personal writing. As a personal blogger, I aspire to the best of autobiographical essays. I aspire to challenge readers, but not half as much as I challenge myself.

It is not in isolation I have come to these conclusions. As I find to be the case when I’m struggling with something I need to do but don’t want to do, life, the universe and everything puts signposts in my path too bright to ignore.

First, I must credit my cousin Sarah, better known under her pen name, Ivy Marie, who’s been writing her heart out for a while now online, has published a book, and is brave enough to tell the truth, even when it’s ugly, scary or unflattering. Not only has she found her voice with no formal training, she’s managed to make money doing it. I am inspired by her persistence and the sheer volume of words she’s written since she began her first blog.

After that, in no particular order, are some bloggers I deeply admire for the traits I want to infuse into my blog. Jessica Gottlieb wrote this post. The Gal Herself who chronically her life with such honesty it’s easy to forget she does it anonymously.

Dan of Single Dad Laughing writes bravely about the very meaning of life and happiness. Seriously, his top posts page has something for everyone or start with Who’s Life is It Anyway.

Of course, and always, there are writers who have influenced me for decades. Issac Asimov and Madeleine L’Engle top the list which includes so many fine, brave writers. I wouldn’t be who I am today without them, nor would I hold the dream I can’t shake loose (I’ve tried) of walking in their footsteps.

I am afraid of the consequences of digging deeper, but I am also afraid of the consequences of silence. If I’m honest, I am more afraid of the consequences of silence. Not sure what’s coming as a result of this honesty I vow to pursue, but I know it’s necessary.

3 Comments | In: manifesto | tags: blogging. | #

Forgive any formating weirdness on today’s SPS. I’ve just now downloaded the WordPress app for my spiffy new Andriod phone. I’m hoping having easy access to my blog on the go will allow me to use those little moments of down time to post or at least open drafts when I have a brillant post idea.

Today, I’m at work earlier than I have to be. Such is life without a car of my own. It doesn’t happen often and if I use the time to read or write, I’m perfectly happy to spend a few hours in the breakroom, drinking coffee.

My portrait is yet another Klingon wedding project photo. This time, the sash is for our friend Alex, who’ll be serving as a sort of best man. There is a Klingon word for it, but as I’m not at the computer, I won’t trouble with looking it up now. Maybe blogging from my phone is the best idea ever. Fewer distractions and more typing away.

The sash took more effort and thought than it looked like. I’ve got a layer of interfacing and a layer of muslin between the satin front and cotton liner. I first sewed the interfacing to the lining and the muslin to the satin so I only had two pieces of fabric to handle. Then I sewed the wrong sides together, creating tubes, turned them right side out, before sewing the front and back together. In writing that out, I wish I’d taken pictures of the process. Ah, well. There will be other sashes, no doubt. Klingons are big on honor sashs.

No Comments | In: crafts and creations | tags: Alex, Klingon wedding, meme, self portrait Sunday, sewing, star trek, trek trax. | #